She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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