my room smells like sperm. sweet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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