Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
