Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
