Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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