Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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