I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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