My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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