dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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