i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
