don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
