And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
