Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
