my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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