He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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