Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
