i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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