i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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