I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
