You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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