you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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