i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
