They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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