You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
