Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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