I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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