the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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