the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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