I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
