It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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