I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
