Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
