What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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