So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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