Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
