the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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