mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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