ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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