dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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