Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
