We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
