first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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