I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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