I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
whose parrot is this?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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