drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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