Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
