Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
