I love black thongs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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