I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Randomize
