I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
