Please, let me fuck your mom
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
