I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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