Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
