i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
