Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
