so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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