My nipple is on Facebook.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
