Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
