so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
