I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
