Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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