i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
too bad you live with your parents still
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
