She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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