Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
