4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
