My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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