can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
