remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
